Adhd and time moderation

I’m smart, well not boasting, but the things that lots of people consider conventionally smart come easy to me. I’m equally stupid about things that lots of people consider conventionally stupid. Just occurred to me that to have adhd to be adhd or to have an adhd brain or mindset is that I quite simply don’t do moderation. It’s not something I understand how to do. I squander money, I eat too much, drink too much and basically live a life of hedonism, in my own particular way, forget Rambo, that was *his* way. I do me, which can mean spending 2 hours writing a response on Reddit to something literally pointless, but tickled *my* psyche for a moment.

Moment… there’s a word. With adhd, a moment which most people agree means a split second, for me means “as long as this thing takes” wow, that’s it. It’s pretty profound to me at least. A moment is a single end to end time period of variable length that once finished is done. I can start a new moment, picking up the last, where I left off, but often I just leave it. Moments of brilliance, long dark days of nothing.

That whole thing is tied up within my diagnosis of adhd, pretty textbook symptoms and the textbook will also tell you that it’s due to a neurological difference that prioritises experience over planning or something.

I squander. I’m known for it. I’m not proud of it. It just is.

After 49 and a bit years of life I’ve just realised that the only true commodity is time. I squander time. Instead of investing time, I literally let it slip though my fingers.

I should do something about that.